Twas the night before lockdown...

...when all through the country, people were preparing for another four weeks of being stuck inside. 

Jokes aside, we're entering yet another national lockdown tomorrow and, like many, I am not looking forward to it in the slightest. Lockdown has proven to be an incredibly challenging time for so many people and so many reasons and the thought of doing it all again is kind of terrifying so I figured I'd write about my feelings... not for any other reason than to acknowledge their existence and kind of get it out - especially as I know that I won't be the only person feeling this way.

Image courtesy of Logan Weaver on Unsplash

I have quite a small circle of friends anyway but, during the pandemic, I've kept the amount of people I'm mixing with to a minimum. There are a select few people who I have been seeing and although I haven't seen some of them very often, we are all people with small circles; we know exactly who we've been mixing with and it's pretty much just been each other and our families. We've been very careful all along but have managed to make the most of the freedom we've had. I've not seen my friends in about a week - it was the night before Tier 2 lockdown for Derbyshire - so we've fully cooperated with the rules but those few days have certainly not felt easy, especially when you consider the fact that I see Lauren almost everyday. So when Boris announced a full national lockdown on Saturday evening, you can imagine the dread I felt. 

While the lockdown is scheduled to last four weeks gives me some comfort, I'm also very aware that none of us realised how long the last one was going to last until we were four months in and we were still locked down. From my own experience, the last lockdown was far from ideal. I had some really really down days and felt quite unstable (for lack of better wording) for a lot of it, especially during the earlier, strictest part. My relationships with my family were really strained, to be honest, and it got to a point with my Dad where we didn't even speak to each other because things had gotten so bad and the environment/atmosphere in the house was just uncomfortable and generally not enjoyable for me. I always struggle when I'm not busy and obviously lockdown meant that, as soon as I'd finished my university work, I wasn't doing anything - and I couldn't do anything. I had no uni work to do, the job market was a mess and I couldn't get a job, I couldn't see anyone, I couldn't go anywhere. It was honestly horrendous for me and my mental health. 

Things definitely improved when the restrictions started to loosen and we were able to see people. I honestly, truly credit that rule change in me being able to get through the rest of the summer. I'm someone who, while I struggle to talk about my feelings (or even acknowledge their existence, sometimes), needs that social interaction. I need to see people, I need to talk to people and I thrive when I'm busy. I hate being bored and that only intensified during the lockdown - you know, being in a tiny little bedroom and having only your family to speak to is draining, especially when you don't necessarily have the best relationships between you. 

This time is different though. In the summer, it was obviously summer - nice weather, long days, long nights, gardens, parks et cetera; those things all made it more bearable. This time, it's late Autumn (I personally would go for Winter but, scientifically, that's incorrect), cold, rainy, dark and miserable. The comfort of being able to go for a walk in the park in the evening, or meet up with friends outside, or just enjoying the sunshine with a drink in your garden no longer exist. Seasonal depression is already a major factor but add a national lockdown to the mix and it's a much more serious situation. 

I've already established that I'm not looking forward to it but something that's personally different for me this time is that I'm starting a new job next week so I'll be working throughout the lockdown which is great from a lack of boredom point of view but going to work in the dark and coming home from work in the dark isn't going to do much for my mood. Though, I do feel very fortunate that I'll be working and kept busy for the majority of my time and my situation could be much, much worse. 

I think the bit I'm dreading most is not being able to see my friends and the people I care about. I need that social interaction but they do too, and for those of them who struggle with their mental health, being cooped up inside isn't going to do them any favours and I worry for them. In fact, I worry for everyone in the country during this time. It's not easy at all and we need to think about the consequences of this isolation. 

So here are some things to remember - 

1. We can get through this. We've done it once, we can do it again. You've got this. 

2. Check up on your friends and family - we're in this together, please make sure your loved ones are doing okay.

3. You are NOT alone. Please, reach out to people if you need anything. Don't suffer in silence.

4. It's okay not to be okay. 

5. It won't last forever. It feels like it will last forever, but one day this will be over. 

It's going to be a tough couple of months but we have to stick together and get through this. Ultimately, this virus isn't going anywhere anytime soon so it's time to buckle up and do everything we can to try and minimise the damage - but remember, protecting your physical health is not worth ruining your mental health. You need to make sure you're doing okay. Of course, follow the rules, social distance, where a mask, stick to the lockdown restrictions and so on but don't neglect how you're feeling. If you need help, reach out. If you're feeling down, reach out. If you're struggling in any way, reach out. We are all in this together (just like High School Musical) and it's all our responsibilities to take care of each other. 

If you need anything or someone to talk to, or someone to listen, I am always here. My DMs are open. Message me. I'm here. 

And here are some useful resources and numbers if you need them: 

NHS list of mental health helplines/organisations for a more comprehensive source

Samaritans - or call 116 123 for free

MIND

Stay safe, stay well and don't put too much pressure on yourselves. 

Sending so much love to everyone and reminding you: we can get through this.