Let's start with the simple one: work. I ended up back at my old paralegal job in wills and probate for the summer. I started work the first Monday after moving home on the Thursday and finished work on Friday - as in two days ago, Friday - so I've pretty much worked the entire summer (apart from the two weeks that I was on holiday). Most people would probably see that as an absolute nightmare. How could I give up my entire summer to work in a solicitors full time? Quite easily, actually. Firstly, I need the money. Secondly, I hate being bored - I'd only spend more money (that I don't have) trying to entertain myself if I wasn't working. Thirdly, I actually enjoy the job, and the people I work with. And, when you think about it like that, it's a no-brainer - I'd go back in a heartbeat, and genuinely enjoyed my time back there - but that's no surprise given that I enjoyed it last year, too.
Back in June I went to France for two and a bit weeks. It was the first holiday that my entire family (myself, mum, dad, my brother and auntie and uncle) had been on together in probably five or so years and, I won't lie, it was stressful. Everyone's so used to having their own space so to be thrown into living with each other and being with each other twenty four hours a day was intense - especially when you think about the fact that we don't necessarily see each other that often anyway. Besides the odd (or not so odd) argument, everyone had a lovely time and it was actually nice to be able to talk to certain people in a more mature way - at the end of the day, I was fifteen the last time we went away together and my brother was fourteen. At 20 and 19 now, our opinions and outlooks have changed massively and we're both a lot more confident in ourselves - so this trip was definitely a learning experience for everyone. We did a lot of outdoorsy things too, which was different from the usual beach holiday - a 26km bike ride in 34 degree heat was a definite (surprising) highlight of mine; along with the fact that I actually, somehow managed to get a great tan - another rarity in my life.
One thing I'm so grateful for this summer is my friends. I've got a group of friends at the moment that, while I've not known all of them for that long, they're some of my favourite people in the world - not that I'd like to admit that to some of them (it'd go straight to their heads). Not only have they made this summer the most amazing time and we've had a really good laugh, but they've also been there for me when I've really needed them. They're the people that knew a boy was bad for me, and have known this for the entire time the boy situation was going on, but continued to support me throughout. The amount of times that I'd ditched them for said boy on nights out is a joke, and the amount of arguments we've had over this boy couldn't be counted on my hands - it's one of those situations where, no matter what, I was going to do what I wanted and even though they made their feelings clear about the situation, I just didn't listen - because, at the time, I was into it and I really did like this boy. But it was never really straight-forward - it was a tricky, messy situation all along for a number of reasons but, to me, it was worth it. When it ended, I can't say I was surprised - disappointed? Yes, but not surprised. It was one of those things where it was always going to end, and I think I knew that and was quite prepared for that - the only thing being that it's embarrassing to have spoken so highly about someone and really rooted for them, especially when it came to my friends, to have it almost thrown back in my face - like, that's a bit tragic and I look a bit stupid now. But, with that being said, I'm not holding anything against him or the situation - at the end of the day, you can't control how you feel. It's not my fault I liked him, it's not my fault he didn't actually like me - you can't help that at all; sometimes it's all down to fate and that's life. I'm happy in the fact that I can't say I didn't try - I made it perfectly clear how I felt and there's not really much I could've done to change it. It's just life - and I'm grateful to have gone through that, and to have my friends' support. They could've sat there and said 'I told you so' but they didn't. It was more of a 'we hate him and we all know that but you're the focus and we'll get you back to being you again' kind of situation, and I really couldn't be more thankful for that. It's onwards and upwards from now.
Do I have any regrets? Actually no. I don't think I would've changed anything throughout the summer. Like I've said, I had the best time with my friends and have made a hundred memories with them - some good, some bad and some just straight up embarrassing - but it's been one of my favourite summers ever. A rollercoaster for sure, but a bloody good one at that.
I find it interesting when people come back into your life - it's always an interesting one to navigate but I'm the type of person that doesn't like being on bad terms with anyone - as much as I don't want to admit it, I always see the best in people and sometimes that's great but sometimes it's a killer and you could do me wrong a hundred times and I'd still say let's be on good terms. Friendships, relationships, almost-relationships; no matter what, I'm not going to hold anything against you, even if you ruined my life for a little bit - I like to clear it up and move on from the bad and be good, and that's what I'm doing. It takes time, but as time goes on, I think you really start to see situations for what they really were - something I thought was awful this time last year really wasn't awful, it was just life, and bad timing. Maybe I'll think the same next year about now - who knows. All I know is that things happen the way they're meant to happen - and hindsight is an incredible thing.
In fact, the only thing I would change - but this goes for the whole year and not just the summer - is how I've basically neglected this blog. There was a time, some moons ago, that I would religiously post on this blog and thoroughly love it but lately, that's not been the case. I could blame it on being busy (which, wouldn't be a lie) but ultimately it comes down to being inspired. And being inspired isn't necessarily easy when you're having a rough time - so this is my aim; to get back on the blogging train - and love it as much as I used to. I need that inspiration, and I've got a feeling I'll find it somewhere soon.
I'm going into third year of uni and it's time to start and take life a bit more seriously - not that I haven't before but it's time to step it up a little. My mission for this year? Get my life back on track. I want to be happy, and feel like myself again. The past year has been a rollercoaster and has been some of the best times of my life but also some of the worst - I'm excited to put it behind me and focus. It's time to focus on myself and my future, no matter how tragic that sounds. I finished second year with a first and that's the motivation I need to focus myself for final year - I want to be the best I can be, in every possible way. So I'm moving on, from all the drama and emotion from the past year. This year is about me, and my future and I can't wait for a fresh start - oh, and I can't wait to finally sort my sleeping pattern out (that shit is draining).
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