IT'S BEEN A WHILE...

Hey, friends! The queen of inconsistency here - just checking in to let you all know that, yes, I am a horrendous blogger and I promise I'll get better. So, basically, I don't really have any excuse for my lack of posting over the past month or so, aside from the fact that uni is - and has been - really getting me down; you know how it is - deadlines, stress, drowning in work, along with the occasional housing drama. So it has been a while. And I'm sorry for that - not just for any readers I may have, but for me too. Blogging is a hobby for me. Yes, I'm studying journalism and having this blog does help me with that but, first and foremost, it's something I do for fun - something I genuinely enjoy doing - and the fact that I've felt like I haven't had time for that over the past few weeks kind of hurts my heart a little bit, so I guess it's time for a bit of a life update.

Let's start with uni. We all know that I love my uni course but, people aren't joking when they say second year is when things get real - everything is a hundred times more intense than first year and that's not a bad thing. We can't all live in the land of first-year-dreaminess forever but I really didn't expect that, in second year, things would kick into gear and be so intense so quickly. Bearing in mind I am yet to begin my second semester of second year (we aren't even done with the first yet!), we've had the two biggest modules of the year both during this first semester. Both are interesting and genuinely great modules but I'm drowning in work. No matter how hard I try to keep up, I feel like I'm in a constant state of being three weeks behind - even when I'm not. But, aside from the workload, uni is going well - we're currently working on a project, which I have no doubt is going to be one of my favourites of the year, where we're launching our own magazines. My group's magazine is called PAGE and it's a literary magazine. And it's been stressful to say the least. I won't bore you with the details because I do really want to hopefully write an entire blog post about it all once the project is complete and we have the published version - obviously, if - or when - I get my shit together with my blog.

Friendships are hard. That's something I'm slowly learning. And it's not that it's a bad friendship - that's not what makes them hard - it's more so university friendships. Everyone is at a stage in their lives where things are kind of in limbo and nobody really knows what they want, tensions are high with the workload and the stress that comes with it. For me, one of the biggest stresses has been adjusting to moving into a house here at uni. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I live with but it's a whole different ball game compared to living in halls - people are messy, people have habits and routines that don't necessarily match mine, it's sometimes hard to have time to yourself and so on. I think that's something I struggle with most. I'm a very independent person - I keep myself to myself (whether this is for better or worse - who knows?) and love to be alone, but a lot of my friends - housemates included - are the opposite. And I feel like I have a constant internal battle between making myself look sociable and doing things I don't really want to do, just to please other people, and sticking with my gut and having that alone time which I find to be incredibly valuable to me. I don't know. It's hard - going from having your own safe sanctuary so to speak at home and in halls, to being thrown into an environment which is very full on and, at times, uncomfortable.

Something I've also perhaps struggled with is feeling like myself. And take this as you will but I've never really felt like I've suffered with any mental health problems, anxiety, depression or anything of that nature - or at least I haven't realised that that's what it is, if I have. But, this semester, is the first time in my life that I've felt - for lack of better wording - unstable. I've felt like my head has been all over the place, I haven't known what I've wanted from any situation and, quite frankly, I've been an emotional wreck. So, if you know me, you'll know that I never cry - ever. And, lately, that's kind of been all I've done - either about uni stress, friendship 'problems', boy struggles, or simply life in general. That's been the common theme of my life; and that isn't me, at all. But, and I'm sure it's easier said than done, I'm hoping that this upcoming Christmas break will be the time I need to get myself sorted and out of this little rut that I seem to have found myself in - I guess only time will tell!

I'd do a little update on my love life but, to be completely honest, there's not much to report. It's more of a lack of love life, but that's absolutely fine with me. I've been on dates and, don't get me wrong, I've had a nice time but I guess there's just been something missing - and I suppose being told I'm a 'nightmare' and to sort my fringe out doesn't quite help the situation. But I'm not bitter. I'm in the mindset that, no matter how badly any of these situations turn out, it's a learning curve - and a funny story to tell at the end. But, either way, my motto is onwards and upwards - we don't know what (or who) is around the corner.

So I think - emphasis on think - that's you all caught up. There's not much happening in my life, aside from the uni stuff but my aim for the Christmas break - besides getting my brain in check - is to get back into blogging because I posted weekly for four years. This isn't a joke to me, this is one of my favourite things to do and - like I've said - not doing it hurts my heart just a little bit. So bear with me, but expect more from me over the next few weeks. I always say things do get better and fingers crossed I'm right with that in this situation!