To my former, younger self ...
It's easy for me to say these things in retrospect but, Jodie, I wish you'd realised sooner that it's okay to be you. You're going to meet people that aren't necessarily the right people for you - they may be fun and friendly but they're not always going to be friends to you. You'll know who your real friends are and you'll realise that the effort you put in with certain people is simply wasted and you don't need that kind of person in your life. They may seem like they're the greatest thing since sliced bread but there'll be times that their true colours shine through, and it's fine to take a step back when you realise that they're not the people you want to be around. It doesn't matter how many friends you have. At the end of the day, no matter how cliché it may sound, it's always going to be quality over quantity. You need people that are on your wavelength and you'll find those people - and they're going to be your friends for life - they're the people that you can't imagine life without, and you'll know when you've found those friends.
When it comes to boys, there are going to be a lot of ups and downs but, as long as you remember who you are, you'll get through it. It'll be hard at times but you'll look back - sooner or later - and realise that certain situations played out the way they did for the best. And, when you have that realisation, you'll be fine - even if it doesn't seem like it in the heat of the moment.
And, the most important thing is that you stay true to yourself. It sounds so soppy and extremely cringeworthy (oops) but who you are is great. And that's all that matters. Confidence will come with time, it's not necessarily going to be a permanent thing but it will come. But all you need to remember is that if you're yourself, you're fine. Who cares if people don't like the same things you like? Who cares if you aren't following the crowd? Just do you. And don't be ashamed of the things that make you, you.
Back to the present ...
Honestly, I don't really know where this post is going. I guess it's more of a reflection upon my life thus far. Like I've mentioned, it's been a great one. I won't lie to you, I feel like I've had a rough couple of weeks lately and, at times, it's felt like my whole world has come crashing down - every single thing that could've gone wrong has pretty much gone wrong. And turning 20 is a bit stressful - not in a bad way - but I always thought that I'd have my life more together than it is.
But I've had the best Summer of my life and, overall, 19 has been an incredible year for me. I've grown massively as a person - in confidence and skills, and I've made friends that I couldn't imagine living my life without. I have memories that will be with me forever and, although my life isn't necessarily where I thought it'd be, I am happy. I probably could be happier - like me back in the summer kind of happy (that was probably the happiest I've been in a long, long time) - but I'm happy. And I truly am proud of who I am today.
All of my previous mistakes and bad decisions have made me the person I am today and I wouldn't change them for the world. And, yes, I've made a fair few bad decisions - most of them this year, actually - and I'm not going into detail but I genuinely believe that things happen for a reason and if certain things hadn't happened, other things wouldn't have happened - and then I wouldn't be where I am today. And where am I today? As I write this, it's Thursday 4th October. It's half past 9 and I'm sat drinking wine, eating chips and talking shit with my friend before going to karaoke at uni. And I'm content. You know, making memories and probably preparing myself to make more bad decisions - but I wouldn't have it any other way.
So yeah. This post has pretty much been me babbling on about how great my teens have been and how I'm happy with who I am today. I feel like, during the last three weeks, I've had a bit of a messy time and I've kind of been all over the place emotionally - I used to say I never cry but, within the past three weeks, I've cried more than I have in the past two years - but we're moving on and moving up. Things can only get better, right? I'm ready to put certain situations, and some people, behind me and focus on the things that matter - uni, my career, my friends and (most importantly) myself.
To my future self ...
Carry on. Just carry on doing you. You might become someone completely different from today but, the one thing I want is that you follow your heart. It's so incredibly cringey but, if I can look back in twenty or thirty years and genuinely think 'yes, you followed your heart, and worked for what you wanted', I'll be happy. My only goal is to be happy - I feel like that's a goal that I'll never fully achieve but, ultimately, it's the goal for everyone, right? Success and happiness - no matter what form that comes in.
Alright, I'm done being soppy and babbling - thanks for reading and sticking with me. I genuinely have had the most incredible teenage years and really wouldn't have wanted them any other way. In fact, I've spoken about my bad decisions but I think that creating this blog back in 2014 was one of my best decisions. It's been a wonderful outlet for me over the years - and I can't wait to see how it progresses. Xo.
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